Training our children the right way

By Doreen Hammond
SITTING in the living room with his children, daddy opened his spark plugs so loud, to the amusement of the children. They tried to hold their laughter, turning it into a giggle and then they burst out into uncontrollable laughter!
But this was not the first time daddy had done this, and the reaction of the children had almost always been same. This state of affairs was persistent and had become a game at home.
And then one day, colleagues from daddy’s office visited. As they were chatting about the increase in fuel prices and how to cope with the situation, Kwaku, the youngest of the children, raced into their midst and let out a salvo louder than daddy had ever heard in his life. The child then followed it with laughter, to the embarrassment of everybody in the living room. In the Ghanaian culture, it is not acceptable to break wind in the midst of others.
When the visitors left, daddy expressed great anger at Kwaku’s behaviour and mother followed it up with two lashes for Kwaku. Kwaku was very surprised because what he had done was normal practice at home and wondered why he should be punished when the same thing was daddy’s pastime. His siblings were equally confused.
At the British Council Hall where a spelling competition was being held, children took their seats at 8.30a.m, the time organisers said the programme would start.
When parents and other adults arrived late at 10a.m when the programme had began, the organisers asked the children to stand behind the hall so the adults could sit. The adults who had arrived at the programme a whole hour and half late were comfortably seated while the children who did the right thing by coming on time had to stand throughout the programme.
And then in a queue for kelewele, a child had been waiting his turn for almost 30 minutes. It seemed he would not be served any time soon because any adult who came to buy passed him by to get his. It was not strange to the child though because persistently, that had been his experience with adults everywhere he went and a little complaint to catch attention resulted in the retort, “ Hey, don’t you respect?”.
The plight of the child is not any better in the classroom setting. In a first aid class, the teacher taught the children that if bitten on the leg by a snake, something like a piece of cloth or a tie could be used to tie the part above the bite to stop the blood from circulating to the other parts of the body and by so doing prevent poison from circulating.
One of the pupils asked the teacher where to tie if the snake bite was on the neck. This question, which the teacher had no answer to, earned the child six lashes of the cane for asking a “stupid question” though in truth a snake bite may not necessarily be on the leg. It is not the habit of most adults to accept, in the presence of a child, that they do not know something and would, therefore, attempt to find out. In reality, do adults know everything under the sun?
I often hear parents and other adults talking about how children these days don’t respect and ask questions they would never have dared ask in their time.
What these complainants have failed to realise is that those times are past and may never come again and respect is not only a reciprocal thing but something that is also earned. Added to this, our stage of civilisation and development have culminated in children with curious minds. They not only want to know what is but why things are the way they are and what they are likely to become.
The days when parents just took any decision for their children without any form of consultation is in the past. Children these days would want to make an input into what affects them, even to the extent of determining what they wear.
They see you dressed up and the question you are likely to face is: Where are you going? Yes, they need to know where you are just like you need to know where they are and what is wrong with that?
By our very conduct as adults and role models for children in society, we have succeeded in teaching children so many unacceptable attitudes and behaviour and turned around to complain when the children have done the same things that they have seen us do and say what they have heard us say.
Take the parent who persistently asks his child to tell visitors he is out of town while he hides in his room, for instance, and tell me why he should be upset when his child tells a lie. Same point.
Dr Benedictus Wozuame, a clinical psychologist, psycho-therapist and medical doctor at the Pantang Hospital, describes the formative years of children, especially between 12 and 18, as critical to the habits and behaviour they form.
He says that by age 18, the behaviour of man would have been formed and it becomes difficult to change.
Dr Wozuame explains that the behaviour of adults in the home setting is likely to be learnt by children in that home if that behaviour is persistent.
“Our children often imitate how we talk, eat, shout; almost everything we do at home, therefore, we as adults should behave well so they copy the right things”, he said.
This means that the persistent behaviour of adults in the home setting could influence the behaviour of children as they grow into adults.
It is difficult to understand why adults would always turn round to complain about the behaviour of children when they do not act as good role models for them.
Why should the children who run around a lot, burn more calories and perform all the household chores be served with crumbs while the already overweight father is given the sumptuous portions of the meal?
Even though as humans we may have our own frailties, we should never forget that our children will do what they see us doing. We must, therefore, make a conscious effort to put our best foot forward so that they pick the best of our habits.
Writer’s e-mail: aamakai@hotmail.com